You’re probably wondering what an ‘Existential Initiation’ is and most likely never come across these words before so let me back track and explain.
If you have ever gone through an ‘Existential Crisis’ in your life it may look a little like this;
- Loosing someone or something you love – A death, breakup, or even the end of a friendship can shake your sense of safety and identity.
- Getting a Life-Changing Diagnosis – Whether it’s Autism, ADHD, AuDHD, Dyslexia, chronic illness, or something else—it can feel like your whole past and present is being rewritten.
- Leaving a Job Role – When you walk away from something that once defined you, it can feel like freefall and lead to transitioning into a new job role.
- A neurodiverse child transitioning into high school – opens up a myriad of questions such as worrying if they will be ok, what will I do now I have more time, who am I now they are becoming more independent and grief of loosing an old way of life.
- You could also say that a Spiritual Awakening, isjust another way of expressing this because essentially, it usually stems from a crisis point in life which leads to a profound phase of questioning everything before the self realisation phase and the remembrance of skills and knowledge that once laid dormant.
I guess you don’t know what an existential crisis looks like if you’re subconsciously going through it so here are 5 tell tale signs;
- Your relationships, goals and routines no longer align with you.
- You can feel disconnected from life even though things look fine on the outside.
- Roles you once identified with such as parent, partner, professional can feel shaky or irrelevant and out of alignment.
- You can feel as if you’re being cracked open so to speak as layers peel back and begin to question life and what is valuable to you.
- Overwhelmed in transition finding it challenging to adapt with so many changes going on in one go.
The reason for pointing this out is because you can’t change or deal with what you can’t see consciously. But what if you did become aware of all of the above and become consciously aware, ready and prepared? This is what I would call Existential Initiation. It would mean that you would be aware that you are going through the life experience and that it is completely normal and part of life.
It’s how you choose to respond to the events that unfold for you and your attitude towards it and yourself. The more you know yourself, the more you can flow with life.
For an example and something I and many of you can relate to, let’s use a child transitioning into high school and what may show up.
When you’re both neurodivergent, the shift into high school can feel like a full-body identity rupture. The routines change. The roles change. The sensory load spikes. And suddenly, the ground you both stood on feels unfamiliar.
Here’s how it often unfolds—consciously, sometimes messily, and sacredly:
The Cracking Open
- Your child starts high school. You smile, you cheer, you pack the lunch.
- But inside, you worry about the little things like is their bag too heavy for them, do they have enough food, will they navigate to their new classrooms alright, do they have too many subjects. You feel disoriented, unmoored. They feel overwhelmed, masked, and unsure who they’re supposed to be.
This is the moment the old identities begin to dissolve.
dissolve.
The Mirror Phase
- You watch your child navigate new pressures, new social codes, new expectations.
- And suddenly, you see your own teenage self-reflected back—masked, misunderstood, trying to survive.
- You might think: “I never knew I was neurodivergent in school, but as a late diagnosed adult, I can help and teach them soothing strategies and techniques to help and schools are more understanding and supportive now.”
This is where grief and hope collide.
The Disorientation
- You question who you are without the role you’ve held and your child begins to question what do they like now.
- The structure shifts. The nervous systems flare. You both feel overwhelmed and exhausted from a new routine.
- Changes in relationships.
This is the sacred mess. The in-between.
The Soothing
- You remind yourself and child that we’re initiating into a new way of being and that you’re both still learning and that’s ok.
- You begin to introduce, eating out for tea, walks, art, space to regulate after a day in school/work—that help you both regulate and reconnect.
- You tell yourself that “You don’t know who you are becoming and to trust the process as your life unfolds because – Life happens FOR you!”
This is where the healing begins.
New Beginnings
- Slowly, new identities form. Not forced. Not masked. Just… emerging.
- You both begin to show up differently—in your bodies, your boundaries, your beliefs and values.
- Your nervous system is finally adjusting to the changes, anxiety starts to ease back and you begin to open up to the possibilities of new relationships and that change is good.
- After re-evaluating this, you finally figured out the job role you’re more aligned to and want to explore possibilities now your child is more settled that works around school hours.
This is the becoming of a new version of yourself and your child, and that’s ok because it takes time.
What if we changed our perspectives and looked at it in a way that life prepares us on a subconscious level before becoming consciously aware of knowing that everything happens for a reason and that life happens FOR you?
What if you allowed yourself to see the opportunities as you go through these life phases and learned to flow?
What if these were the times you most learn about yourself and how to work with who you are whilst becoming your most authentic version of you?
Sometimes people need a little helping hand with parts and often go to professionals like myself who have already been through similar experiences and have the skills to navigate and guide them through or someone else depending on the persons needs and situations.
If you’re currently going through this experience, know that you will be ok and life has a way of working out and that you’re not on your own.
If you would like to work with me as a coach 1:1 – simply tap on the link below and book yourself in for a discovery chat and we’ll go from there 😊
https://tidycal.com/amandabowden222/20min20231226112538
Amanda Bowden – Transitional Coach 2025©️